


Back from the Edge

by Emerald_Ashes



Series: Coming Undone [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lion Bonds, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-02-06 23:22:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12828318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emerald_Ashes/pseuds/Emerald_Ashes
Summary: The paladins are still recuperating after the events that transpired between them and the Galra. Yet the war continues. They’ve been lucky to avoid battle for as long as they have, but soon enough they will be summoned into the fray once more. And while Lance is healing, he has to learn to deal with his new demons.





	1. Chapter 1

Having one’s life-force forcibly stripped from their body was one of the all-time worst and strangest things Lance had ever encountered. Having that same life-force manipulated and then shoved back into your body was not a walk in the park either.

The events that unfolded between Lance and the Galra Commander Varrsik were hard to bear. He was still recovering from it. But it was taking time. His body seemed to be slightly out of whack, for lack of a better term. But what else should he expect? He was just lucky to be alive.

When he first woke in the infirmary, he wasn’t in any pain. Shiro told him he had been asleep for a week after Allura and Blue managed to salvage his quintessence. Even after all that time out cold, his body still felt unimaginably heavy. For the most part, he felt just kind of drained. He slept a lot.  More so than when he had managed to stay up for a solid thirty-six hours straight last summer, and then fallen asleep like a coma patient afterward. This was… so much worse.

Usually, he wasn’t one to complain about getting a good night’s rest. Lance loved to sleep in, and he definitely needed his beauty sleep, but now he was bordering on excessive. He would fall asleep at the most random times, his internal clock completely screwed up.  But he didn’t have much of a schedule to go by down in the infirmary. The lights were kept on a day and night cycle, and Coran had placed a clock in his line of sight so that Lance could see the time, but in the end, it didn’t really matter. He fell asleep whether he wanted to or not.

Truthfully, at first it kind of freaked him out. He knew realistically that he was just recovering, and his body needed the rest. Even though he had been in the cryopod, it could only do so much. And he was, in a way, wounded spiritually. Yet it was too similar to how his mind had been drifting off when the Druid had control of his quintessence. The way his soul craved to be united with his body, that ache lingered still. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to dream when he slept. Blue seemed to ward away any nightmares. He just had to remind himself he was safe. He was safe. 

The fact that he could hear Blue now clear as day speaking to him was…odd, but not unwelcome. She had saved his life after all, and he loved her all the same. But it could be a bit distracting at times.

She sounded like she was right next to him every time she spoke up. Her constant presence kept him company while he recovered, and she was not overbearing. She retreated when he was speaking to his friends, but in a way, his mind sometimes felt a little too crowded. She fretted over him, urging him to remain in bed and heal. Yet Lance was starting to get a tad stir crazy from being cooped up in the med bay for observation. He was beginning his fifth day down there, after waking up from the incident on Channix, and for all intents and purposes, he felt fine.

Now according to the clock, it was early morning. Lance slid his legs over the side of his bed, and raised himself to stand. His body still trembled slightly with the effort of moving, but he could move on his own, and so he was going to take a walk.

“I think it would be wise to remain in your bed,” Blue reprimanded him.

“Shh, it will be fine,” he responded. “I’m feeling good.”

And he did. Mostly.

Lance made his way out of the doors. If they were going to insist he remain in bed, they could at least move him to his bedroom. But Coran said for the time being it would be easier to monitor his vitals down in med bay.  While he seemed perfectly healthy, and on the mend, they were still nervous about a rebound.

Lance sighed. This crazy magic stuff was weird.

As he made his way down the corridor, he didn’t see anyone. The lounge was three floors above him, along with the kitchen and bedrooms. It was still early in the morning, so everyone was probably still up there in their rooms.

One of them would come down to him soon enough. Usually, Hunk was cheerfully carrying his breakfast. Maybe he could surprise them by popping into the kitchen instead. Lance was getting tired of being left alone and unable to move about. Coran had given him a communicator, but…he felt like it would be annoying if he constantly called for attention. He knew they couldn’t continually keep watch over him; they still had their jobs to do. But he absolutely hated the cavernous silence of the infirmary, even with Blue’s presence, it was still too quiet.

So far, so good as he made his way into the elevator. As he stood idly, waiting for it to rise to the floor he needed, Lance could feel the exertion in his limbs setting in. His stamina was slowly burning out after only a few short minutes.

“Just a little more, and you can sit down,” He told himself. He had to place his hand on the wall as he walked. The hallway felt longer than he remembered. Only just now getting to the hall with the bedrooms. The kitchen was still a few hundred feet away down a whole other corridor.

His arms and legs seriously started shaking. He could feel his muscles aching like he had run a marathon, and Lance felt his knee give, and he stumbled forward. Relenting, he slid down to the floor. He tried to stand again, but couldn’t get his body to cooperate with him. He was rocked suddenly with tremors; unable to gain full control over his limbs.

A rebound.

The word chimed through his mind like a curse. Panic swelled in him against his will; he scrambled to move upwards, but his legs gave out from under him without warning. He hadn’t felt like this since…before. What if he was falling to pieces again?

Oh god. He wasn’t okay. This wasn’t good.                                                              

He felt his breath quickening. Lance ducked his head down, chin touching his chest, and his left hand balling up in his shirt over his heart which was thudding frantically.

Blue tried to calm him, but her words were blocked out over his panic. Tears welled in his eyes. He had been doing so well. He was alive, the Galra shouldn’t have a hold on him. Why was this happening now?

“Lance…” a voice reached his ears through the blood pounding in his head. “Lance, what’s wrong?”

A hand touched his shoulder and Lance jumped at the contact. His head whipped up to see Keith kneeling down next to him. A towel was draped around his shoulders, hair still slightly damp from a shower.

“What’s wrong?” Keith asked, his eyes wide. He looked scared and uncertain. “Are you sick? Hurt?”

Lance tried to convey what was happening. But his eyes were watering and his voice kept catching in his throat. “Happening again.” He managed to croak out in a forced, ragged whisper.

“What?”  Lance could see the wheels spinning as he was trying to piece things together. Finally he saw it click. “Oh. Oh. No, Lance. You’re okay. You’re fine, right? It’s not happening again. Coran said you were healthy just last night. You had that check-up remember?”

“Can’t breathe,” Lance gasped.

Keith’s hand hovered over his shoulder, and he patted his arm. Rubbing up and down attempting to provide comfort. “Yes, you can. I think… I think you’re just having a panic attack. But I’ll sit with you, all right?”

Keith sat up against the wall, his shoulders pressed against Lance. He could feel Keith’s warmth. And Lance was shivering, but realized he wasn’t freezing cold. That was what grounded him. He took a few deep breaths and finally the feeling of dread started to subside.  Keith vigilantly stayed beside him while he worked things out. Perhaps he wasn’t dying again after all. He wasn’t being controlled.

“A little better?” Keith asked quietly.

Lance took a few more deep breathes before responding. “I-I think so. I don’t know what happened.”

“Why are you up here?” Keith asked pointedly.

Lance glanced at him from the corner of his eye, but wouldn’t meet his gaze. He just shrugged.

Keith sighed. “Come on,” he was attempting to coax a real answer from him.

“Just wanted to take a walk,” Lance mumbled.

“And that’s…all?”

“I was sick of being down there. I didn’t want to be alone, okay?! I…it just kept making me feel like there was something wrong with me.” He sniffled and wiped absently at his eyes with the corner of his sleeves. “If I’m supposed to be better, why is everyone treating me like I’m a piece of glass?”

Keith was a little struck by Lance’s outburst. “Oh. I didn’t know you felt like that,” he said simply. “You should have said something. I’m sorry.”

“…yeah.” Lance knew he was right. After all the trouble he put them through, or well the Galra put them through, Lance knew how much everyone loved him. It was dumb really to not tell them he was lonely. But there was this sense at the back of his consciousness saying not to burden them anymore. He wished it would shut up.

“You know, it hasn’t even been a full week since you woke up. And it was traumatic for you. For… all of us. So I don’t think they’re trying to make you feel bad. Just erring on the side of caution, right?” Keith bumped Lance’s shoulder with his own, and smiled softly.

“I know. Clearly, I’m not okay though,” Lance used his hands gesturing to himself. “If I was I wouldn’t be collapsed and crying in the middle of the hallway.”

Keith hummed. “Well, I think there are a few things that factored into this. One you panicked. And two, when was the last time you had something to eat?”

“Eat? Um, lunch… yesterday. I didn’t have much of an… oh,” Lance gaped like a fish. “Oh.”

“I think it might have been a low blood sugar thing, too. Your body just needs to get back on track,” Keith reassured him. “Want to try for breakfast?”

Keith stood and offered his hand out to Lance.

“Yeah,” Lance clasped his hand and was pulled up.

“We’ll take it slow,” Keith said, bracing Lance at the elbow.

Lance liked it when Keith was kind and caring like this. “Thanks.”

Lance was a little shaky. But after he calmed down he seemed to be doing slightly better. The more they walked together, the more Lance was able to convince himself that he was fine. They made it to the kitchen without any further incidents, but it took twice as long with Lance’s slow pace. Keith walked along beside him patiently the whole time.

The kitchen doors opened quietly. Hunk was already bustling about the room filling up some platters. Pidge was surprisingly at the kitchen table working on her laptop while she waited for Hunk. She looked especially sleepy. When the two of them walked in together the others looked up in surprise. Hunk’s spatula clattered on the countertop where he dropped it.

“Lance!” Hunk grinned. “What are you doing up here?”

“I just couldn’t wait to get some of your pancakes, buddy.” Keith helped Lance over to the table so he could sit down next to Pidge. She smiled at him briefly before returning her attention to her screen.

The doors to the kitchen opened partially a second later, and before they could see him, Shiro’s voice carried through from out in the hallway, “Has anyone seen…” He stopped short upon entering, and exhaled. “Lance. Thank god.  I was looking for you.”

“Sorry,” Lance replied sheepishly.

“It’s fine,” Shiro made his way over to him. He stood just behind the back of Lance’s chair. “I’m glad you’re okay. Next time please let someone know you’re moving around.”

“I…will. Sorry.” He apologized again, staring down at the table.

“Actually, there was an incident in the hall,” Keith told Shiro. Lance snapped his eyes over to him. That traitor. “Low blood sugar. He hasn’t been eating enough.”

“What?” Hunk exclaimed, a spoon went flying from his hand. “Not eating. I’ve been bringing you meals!”

Lance sunk down into his chair. “I can’t… I don’t always feel up to it. My stomach feels all jumbled up when I try to eat sometimes.” Lance confessed.

Hunk looked aghast. “You should have told me. I would have made anything. Something more palatable.” He started rummaging through the cabinets and opened the fridge. “Let me see. Ah!”

He brought a plate over. It was essentially bread and jam. “Try to eat at least one piece of toast and drink this tea.” He practically slammed the mug down on the table.

Lance glanced at the food and smiled wanly at Hunk. “Yes, mom.”

Pidge snickered. Shiro, who was still beside him, patted his shoulder and went to mill about the kitchen to get something for himself to drink.

Lance’s appetite had been sporadic lately. And he felt like after his panic attack moments ago, it would be pretty non-existent. But he would try to eat something.

The food Hunk set out was bland, but clearly he didn’t want to overload Lance with something too rich. It was like recovering from the flu. Your body felt weak for a time, then slowly it starts to feel better. Much was the same for Lance. Everyone was still watching him like a hawk, though.

Shiro sat across from him finally with his own cup of something steaming, and eyed him warily. “Are you really doing okay? You look like… like you’ve been crying.”

Lance tried to distract himself from the conversation by taking a bite from his breakfast. It actually tasted good to him. “I might have been,” Lance answered noncommittally.

“Everything all right?” Shiro was clearly concerned.

He shrugged and glanced over to Keith, who met his gaze. He wasn’t going to say anything, leaving it all to Lance to explain. “I had a bit of a panic attack on the way up here. Too much, too soon, I guess. I’m okay though.”

Shiro’s brow furrowed at the news. “You could have called someone.”

Lance nodded. “I know that…now anyway. I wasn’t thinking. Keith helped me. It’s all good.”

“Okay.” Shiro took a sip from his mug. “I’m going to do some simple training drills with the team after breakfast. Do you feel up to watching? I think it goes without saying that we’re still going to hold off a little longer until you’re back participating.”

Lance smiled and nodded. He felt his strength returning to him more and more as the days passed. But everyone was hesitant to let him do too much. Soon enough they would have to start letting him train again, obviously. They would have to fight eventually. Fortunately, Allura has been able to hide the castle, and they’ve evaded the Galra for the time being. But they didn’t have the luxury of time to allow him to recover fully. He could rest, but Lance knew he wouldn’t be at a hundred percent before he was called back into battle once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so nervous about posting this for some reason. I've been thinking about this sequel for months, and I finally got an outline done for it and the first chapter completed. I don't usually like to have two WIP fics going at once, but I will try and make it so you won't have to wait terribly long for updates. I wanted to have a couple chapters built up before I posted this fic, but my excitement and need for validation won out this time, so here we are. 
> 
> I really hope the first chapter isn't too bland...or whatever. Things will certainly pick up more as the story goes along. (Also, how do you create summaries. Geez, I fail at those every time lol). Gosh, I really hope you like this.


	2. Chapter 2

Lance sat contentedly at the table, munching on his meal, and listened to the idle chatter of conversation going on around him. It almost felt like a normal morning for once. Well, this was as normal as it gets for them. He should rephrase. He almost felt like things were back to normal, bodily restrictions aside.

“You are still healing,” Blue piped up. “Be patient.”

Lance groaned irritably.

“Something the matter?” Shiro asked, stopping his conversation with Keith.

Oh crap. Lance had done that audibly. “No, sorry. Didn’t mean that to be so loud. It was Blue,” Lance tapped a finger to his forehead.

“Ah,” Shiro said.

Lance could feel a blush rising on his face. Obviously, they all could connect and speak with their lions to a certain extent. But now the past couple of days he would occasionally be caught speaking out loud to her since their connection was so clear. A one-sided conversation to any who happened to see him. Honestly, it was difficult sometimes to keep track of what he was saying aloud and what was in his head.

Coran and Allura were definitely intrigued by Lance and Blue’s mental link, never having seen anything like it before.  Yet no one really questioned him about it. Mainly because he couldn’t really explain other than it being a result of the quintessence transfer. It was like he and Blue were talking on the phone, but he had no way to disconnect the call. Not that he would want to. He loved her presence. She was a tremendous comfort to him.

Hunk got up from the table, distracting Lance from his thoughts, and started collecting the dishes. When he got to Lance he seemed satisfied to see his plate was clear. “Did you get enough breakfast to eat?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks, man,” Lance offered him a smile, and handed over his plate.

Pleased, Hunk headed over to drop off the dirty dishes in the kitchen.

“All right, everyone,” Shiro stood from his seat. “Suit up and be down in the training room in fifteen.”

Lance pushed his chair out from the table, making to stand, but his legs felt stiff. He stumbled slightly catching himself on the edge of the table.

Everyone jolted forward, as if to reach for him, and stopped mid-way.

He was fine. Really. It was just a clumsy move. “Guys, I’m good,” He reassured. “I’m not going to fall to pieces at the first stumble I make.”

“Of course, Lance,” Shiro said, a little guiltily.

Lance huffed as he took a couple steps away from the table. He knew they were just concerned. He shouldn’t be mad about that. Looking back, he smiled at them. “I’m just going to go to the bathroom, wash up, and I’ll go to the observation tower in the training room after.”

“Alone?” Keith asked, raising from the table too. Lance couldn’t blame him for the worry.  He did run into him having a full-blown panic attack only a little while ago.

Lance tried to look confident. “Yeah. I can manage.”

“…Okay.”

He felt fairly energized after eating breakfast. Or maybe it was just the semblance of getting back into a regular routine that was making him feel good. Leaving the sterility of the med bay after being there for a few days was definitely a nice change of pace.

Walking out of the kitchen didn’t feel like a chore. He stopped by his room to grab a change of clothes, and proceeded to the bathroom where he went over a short version of his morning routine. He washed his face, brushed his teeth, and changed out of his pajamas. Lance kept his back to the mirror and eyes closed as he removed his shirt. He hated to see the scar marring his chest.  So he quickly tugged the garment over his head and promptly left.

Once he was finished he headed to the observation room, and entered silently. It was a bit strange to be watching a training session. Not that he hadn’t observed before, but it was usually when they were doing exercise in rounds, like when the maze had been set up. This time he was sidelined completely.

Coran and Allura were inside fiddling with the computers, and inputting the codes for today’s training levels. The others still hadn’t shown up in the main room.

“Lance!” Coran chimed boisterously. “Glad to see you up and about. Although, you certainly should have said you were leaving the infirmary.”

“Just wanted to stretch my legs,” he responded. “Shiro already gave me the lecture.”

Allura came over to him and smiled fondly. She guided him to a chair to watch. “Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better today. Are you feeling well enough to watch this?”

“Sitting around is something I’ve mastered lately.” Lance joked half-heartedly. Allura still managed a small laugh.  

Her hand was warm on his shoulder, and made his heart flutter in his chest. It was a similar feeling to how Keith’s shoulder against his own had grounded him during his panic attack. Lance didn’t realize how much he craved contact now. It’s like he couldn’t get enough of it. Ever since he woke up a few days ago, a touch was like a little shock to his system reminding him he could feel; that he was alive.

She stood behind him a moment longer, and then went back to the control panel. The others finally showed up on the main floor of the training deck. Coran flicked a switch that allowed them to hear what was being said down below.

“…warm up with some stretches, and then some simple drills to get started off,” Shiro suggested. He looked up to the tower and waved at them. Lance returned it.

He watched them as they started their warm-ups. Usually, he bemoaned the daily drills, but he sort of wished he could join them today. He supposed he shouldn’t rush things and just be lucky that he got to be with everyone at breakfast. At least that was one step in the right direction.

He continued to watch as they went over some hand-to-hand skills. Pidge was getting surprisingly better at fighting, and nearly almost took out Keith. She was squirmy when backed into a corner, and she went to sweep at his legs. Lance whooped loudly which carried out over the speakers making Pidge laugh mid-attack. Keith was able to dodge her at the last second, and pinned her to the floor. She frowned at him, but took his offered hand so he could pull her back up.

“You’ll get him next time!” Lance cheered. Pidge grinned and gave him a mock salute.

The team continued on. It was about forty-five minutes in when Lance could feel fatigue setting in. It came and went in unpredictable cycles. He couldn’t really control it. Even though he hadn’t done that much, he’d done far more than what’s been allotted in the past couple days. Sitting still finally allowed for the tiredness to settle down on him, making his eyes heavy.

He was zoning out big time. The scene in the training room kept changing every time he seemed to open his eyes. It didn’t feel like he had actually fallen asleep but training switched from sparring, to gladiators, then to the floating drones used for shield practice like he was watching a slideshow.

Lance tried to shake himself awake. If he couldn’t practice, he could at least give his full attention to the exercises.

A sudden loud crash, like a gunshot, louder than the normal training regiments allowed startled Lance into full awareness. A second later something smashed into the glass in front of them, and exploded in a bright light. Lance jumped backward with a scream, promptly fell out of his seat, and landed on his right shoulder jarring it painfully. His heart thudded in his chest painfully, his heartbeat and the loud rush of blood pumping was the only thing he could hear. Then he was flat on the floor, unable to move, and all he could see were white balls of light.

He didn’t know what was happening. Were they under attack?

 A tall shadow loomed over him on the edge of his vision; a hand reaching out towards him.

“No!” he shouted, alarmed, and slapped the approaching hand away from him.

And then suddenly, it was Allura looking at him startled. Her hand clutched to her chest. He had just smacked her hand away from himself when she was only trying to help. “Oh god. Allura…”

“Lance, don’t worry,” She was trying to comfort him.

“I didn’t realize. I’m so s-sorry,” He heaved, trying to breathe. He clenched his eyes shut, tried to focus. He was safe. It was only a mistake, just caught off guard. “I…oh god. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You did nothing wrong,” She bent down on one knee, holding her hands out placating, looking unsure of whether or not she should touch him at the moment. “One of the droids exploded against the glass. It malfunctioned when Keith hit it with his bayard.” Allura explained, taking his hand gently and pulled him up with ease from his prone position. She supported his back with her other hand on his shoulder blades as he got himself slowly back under control. But fear gripped at his ribs like tar, making it feel like his lungs couldn’t expand properly. The ghost of his gunshot wound ached fiercely from where he landed on his shoulder.

“Group training will conclude here for the day,” Coran announced. He looked over their way with a concerned expression. “Are you all right, Lance?”

Lance nodded, but it felt robotic. “It surprised me.” He was embarrassed though. He was really shaken up by the blast, and it dredged up some extremely unpleasant memories.  

“Do you think you can stand?” Allura questioned.

“Yeah.”

She gently helped him up from the floor, and he hated how weak his legs felt underneath him. Wobbly was almost a constant state of being for Lance lately.

The door to the room opened and Shiro burst inside. “Lance! Are you okay?”

He shrugged trying to seem nonchalant. He answered with an obvious lie. “Relatively.”

“We could kind of see what happened from the floor, and when I didn’t see you get back up I was worried,” Shiro explained hastily.

“The blast… scared me,” Lance admitted quietly.

He needed to lay down, he realized. He felt kind of sick and lightheaded now; trembling like he had run a marathon, and filled with unease. “I think I need to go sit down.” He wavered next to Allura and Shiro sprung forward to brace his other side.

“Let’s get you back to bed then.”

“No!” Lance said, too quickly which caused everyone to give him concerned looks.

Shiro furrowed his brow, “Why not?”

“I don’t want to…” he cast his eyes down at the ground. “I don’t want to be alone. Please.” His voice cracked.  

“Why don’t you rest in the lounge then, my boy,” Coran offered cheerfully. “I’m sure someone would be happy to join you there.”

“Yeah, of course,” said Shiro. “We can go there, and I’ll go let the others know. Sound good?”

Lance sighed in relief. Knowing that he wouldn’t have to be alone right now reassured him. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“Think you can make it there?”

He felt a sense of shame crawling up his spine. Just a simple question, a caring question, which he wished the answer to would be “yes”…but it wasn’t. Blue was nudging him through their connection, murmuring reassurances to him. He looked up at Shiro feeling his face go hot against his will. “I need…help.” He could feel the unsteadiness in his legs. A few steps in and he would surely topple over like a flimsy house of cards.

“Hey,” Shiro ruffled Lance’s hair a little, catching him off guard. “It’s okay if you’re not okay right now, you know that, right? We don’t expect you to be at peak performance, and there’s nothing wrong with asking for help.”

“But I need to be better,” he responded, dejectedly.  

“You’ll get there. Don’t push yourself so hard. Take things in little victories. You did more this morning than yesterday. You can build up to it, yeah?”

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Now, you ready to go?” Shiro gestured out the door.

Lance simply nodded. Allura kind of passed him over to Shiro so that he was fully supported by him.

“Coran and I will fetch the others instead,” She announced. “We’ll meet you in the other room shortly.”

Together they started walking. Lance’s legs moved, but all of his weight was clearly being held up by Shiro, though he didn’t seem to act like it. They didn’t have far to go, but Lance was extremely tired. Not to mention he felt like he had messed up in some way. He blinked and found the couch coming into view.

Shiro leaned down to help Lance sit in a corner section of the couch. He was just barely able to slide over and pull his legs up onto to the sofa. “I wish I wasn’t so tired.” Lance whined, pressing his face into the couch cushion. He didn’t think Shiro could hear him.

“You need your rest.” Shiro countered.

“It’s not even noon.”  The morning hadn’t been going perfectly, despite his hopes. He definitely got off to a rocky start, but this didn’t really help him feel any better, or like he had made any progress. He was ashamed that he had to be carried into the lounge, and humiliated at how easily frightened he had been. “What if I don’t get any better than this? I can’t fight if I flinch at every explosion.”

Shiro frowned. “You will get better. You have to be patient with yourself, buddy. I understand how frustrating this must feel. Really I do. We’re with you every step of the way.” Shiro told him, determined.

Shiro stepped out of his line of sight for a moment. Then he unfolded a blanket over Lance. One of the nice fuzzy ones they kept in the lounge for movie nights and sat beside Lance. He leaned into Shiro’s side, it was slightly uncomfortable with the armor in the way, but he needed to feel someone near him. Shiro hesitantly began to run his fingers through Lance’s hair.

It was calming, and something Lance longed for even if he didn’t want to admit it. Shiro’s voice was low, almost like a whisper. “You’re strong, even if you don’t feel like you are right now.”

He wanted to respond, but too tired to answer. Instead, he just let himself be lulled off to sleep, hoping things would be better when he woke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Thank you so much to everyone who left a comment on the first chapter. Like I said I was nervous to post the sequel, and I'm hoping this second chapter is okay, too. I was having pacing issues, so I'm sorry if it feels a little...choppy. 
> 
> I'm hoping I'll be able to get more writing done with Christmas coming up, I've got a few days off from work. But I'll be visiting with family, so who knows. Thanks for your patience. You guys rock!


	3. Chapter 3

Lance woke with a start.

It wasn’t brought on by a nightmare, though he had the sense he was having a weird dream. But like trying to grasp smoke, his dreams were a swirl of images. Nothing cohesive. The only thing that stuck out to him was the unsettling flash of colors, primarily yellows and reds. For some reason, it just felt… off.

Anxiety prickled across his skin like static cling; a shock ready to zap him at any second. He didn’t know why he felt so worked up. Yet Lance hadn’t really felt comfortable in a few days. Maybe because he felt like he should be doing something, anything, other than sitting around uselessly. Seventy-five percent of his time was spent unconscious lately.

“You are not useless,” Blue reminded. Her tone calm and patient. “I know you are trying.”

His anxiety spiked momentarily. Was this even his own emotion?

“Blue,” he said hesitantly. “Is that coming from you?”

“You do not need to worry,” She replied, and he could now hear the slight distraction in her voice.

“What’s happening?” He called mentally.

She hesitated as if she didn’t want to tell him. “Yellow and Red are out. There were Galra scout ships to fend off.” He sighed in frustration. There was a fight going on without him.

For the first time he looked around; only now noticing he was surrounded by dim lighting, and he was no longer situated on the sofa in the lounge sitting next to Shiro. Instead, he seemed to be laying down in his bedroom, a few extra blankets piled on top of him, and propped up on pillows. A twinge pulled uncomfortably at his shoulder, a reminder of just how hard he had fallen to get away from the explosion.

But the main question running through his mind was just how long he was asleep?

He took a few deep breaths trying to shake out the nerves and stretched his legs out, only to hit something at the end of his bed. Looking down at his feet, he noticed the dim glow of light. Pidge was sitting up against the wall, her computer on her lap, glasses reflecting the low light of her screen.

“Evening, sleeping beauty,” she greeted him with a smirk. It was obvious she had been watching him carefully from when he woke until now.

He didn't care. It made him so incredibly happy that he wasn’t left alone while he was napping. It was nice to wake up with someone there, he couldn’t stand the thought of being alone at the moment. But he also felt extremely guilty. Pidge probably had better things to do with her time than waste it sitting with him. Heck, there was a battle going on. He should be helping.

“Hey. Sorry. You didn’t have to stay with me,” He tried to sound cheery, to put on some bravado, but it sounded flat even to his own ears.

“I wanted to be with you.” She said simply, and shut the lid of her laptop.

He watched her carefully for a moment. There was something wrong. Her expression seemed guarded. “Thanks. Is everything okay… with you, I mean?”

She blinked at him, and shrugged. “Sure. Just you know… I was worried about you.” She grumbled out the last part almost so he couldn’t hear her.

“Worried?”  

“You were out for most of the afternoon. We… we tried to wake you back in the common room, but you only mumbled and kept sleeping. Now, it’s almost dinner time. And seeing you sleep for so long. I mean, well, you know. It brought back some bad memories.”

Lance groaned. He wasted the entire day. And on top of that, he totally freaked Pidge out because they couldn’t get him to wake up. Like before, and turns out he obviously wasn’t the only one bothered by the thought of that.

“Hey, no one blames you for getting some shut-eye, though,” Pidge continued. “Clearly, you needed it.”

“Yeah, but it feels excessive, and at this point like its barely helping.” He pushed himself up into a better sitting position. “On top of that, I haven’t done anything useful.”

“Like what?” Pidge challenged. “Do you think we expect you be running marathons after what you went through? You’re allowed to recover.”

It was the second time that day he’d essentially been told the same thing. “Sorry, Pidge. I didn’t mean to trouble you.”

She smiled softly. “You didn’t do anything wrong, and everything’s fine.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t be sleeping when there are fights going on.”

“How did you…” Pidge started to ask, eyes going wide. Then it dawned on her. “Oh, Blue told you. They’re coming back now, you know. It was simple, took less than a half hour.”

Lance sighed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, and paused just to make sure he was capable of standing. He glanced sideways at Pidge.

“Okay, well, in that case, wanna go to dinner?” He asked. He stood up slowly, a little bit of a headrush followed. But cleared almost as soon as it came on. “My treat?” He winked at her, and held out his hand for her to take.

“You’re so corny,” She laughed, but tucked her laptop under her arm, and clasped Lance’s hand with her free one. She squeezed his hand tight, and they made their way out of the bedroom.

It gave him a sense of déjà vu as they headed down the hall. He really hadn’t managed to do much of anything in the span of a day, and he was coming full-circle back to the same place he started.

“I’m worried about him.” Came a hushed voice from around the corner. It was Shiro.

“Understandably so,” Coran added a moment later.

“Maybe we should check in on him,” Shiro suggested.

Lance paused in his walk. Pidge stopping in stride with him. She didn’t say anything as he listened to a conversation he probably shouldn’t even be hearing in the first place.

“I don’t think that’s necessary. He is getting better. We can’t rush him,” Coran continued. “But I have no way of knowing how long a recovery time is for something like this. His physical wounds have healed, but he was mortally wounded in a way I thought unfathomable before now. It’s the first I’ve ever seen.”

Shiro let out a breath. “I know. I just want to be able to help him. It’s clear he’s still not feeling one hundred percent. And that’s fine. I'm just concerned about him getting… worse.”

“I fear the Galra are closing in on us, as well. We can only hide for so long,” Allura stated solemnly. “We were quite lucky it was only a few scouts. We’ll have to jump soon to keep out of sight.”

Hide. They were hiding because of him. In the middle of war, and they were fleeing with their tail tucked between their legs because of him.

“Lance,” Pidge whispered urgently. She wrapped her arms around him, sinking into his side. “Don’t.” His guilt so obvious she could read it.

“If we have to fight then we will,” Shiro replied confidently to Allura. “But I won’t throw Lance into it before he is ready.”

With a steadying breath, Lance squared his shoulders and continued around the corner. They were just inside the doorway of the kitchen, the door having never shut closed behind them. When he came into view, it was obvious they weren’t expecting him as their eyes widened in surprise.

“Lance,” Shiro started.

He cut him off with a raised hand. “Do we need to sit down and talk?” Lance simply asked.

“You heard us,” Allura said. And it wasn’t a question. She clearly knew.

Lance nodded. “Yes. If there are doubts that you have about… me. Then I’d rather hear it than have you talking behind my back. Or… lying to me to spare my feelings.”

“Lance, we weren’t trying to say anything that you shouldn’t be hearing. Sorry if what you heard upset you, that was the last thing we wanted to do.” Allura apologized.

“Still sounds like we have some things to discuss,” Lance moved past them and over to the kitchen table. He felt almost angry. And realistically, knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t stamp the feeling down.

The others followed quietly behind him, and took the seats around him. They were basically a picture of how things were just that morning, minus Hunk and Keith. But Lance wasn’t really eager to have this conversation.

They kept telling him everything was fine. He was fine. That he could take his time. Even though he knew he needed to get back to how things were before. It was becoming painfully clear that time wasn’t a luxury they had right now.

“We were only thinking about your health,” Coran said honestly. “You did not seem to be having a good day.”

“There was some added stress, but you said I was okay. Or that I would be,” Lance defended almost snappishly. They’d been saying that all along. Since the first time he woke up after Blue saved him. Was it just to spare him grief? “Am I not? Were you just lying to me to buy some time?”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that,” Coran sighed. He was sitting closest to Lance. Shiro on his other side. Coran grasped his good shoulder encouragingly. “Calm down, my boy. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise and trouble you. All I was saying earlier was we might run into the Galra while you’re still not feeling well. You seem to…tire quickly. And I don’t want to overexert you by pushing you into battle before you’re fully capable.”

“If I have to pilot Blue, then I will. I won’t let this stop me,” Lance told him. But then could he even fly Blue anymore? Had things changed since the incident? He could barely walk about the castle without some kind of supervision.

“Of course you can fly with me,” Blue answered. “Do not worry.”

How would this mental connection thing work while flying? He hadn’t been inside her with this mind link going on. All of the paladins had bonds, and could feel the intentions from their lions. But nothing as extreme as this. He could hear every thought, and her emotions were much more tangible now.

“Stop worrying, little one,” Blue chided.

“We aren’t doubting you,” Shiro sincerely said, pulling Lance back into the conversation.

“That makes one of us,” Lance thought ruefully.

“I just don’t want you getting hurt again. And we don’t know how this… change has affected you entirely.”

Lance kept his eyes focused on the tabletop. Of course, he knew this. Perhaps he had been overreacting a bit. Lately, he felt like his emotions were a whirlwind and he couldn’t keep them under control. He got upset a lot easier than normal. He wanted to be mad, but the feeling had passed. The only person he was really mad at was himself.

“It’s only been a little over a week.” Shiro rested his hand on Lance's forearm. “And you really are doing much better. It has to be tough. The truth of the matter is, like Coran said, we don’t know what to expect with this. And maybe we should have been more direct with you about in the long run, too. I’m sorry, Lance.”

“I know,” Lance said quietly. “I know. You’re worried, and I shouldn’t have been angry about that. I just try not to think about it. Which might be… well, not the best. Just hearing you talk about me, sort of set me off.  I just don’t want to think of myself as still sick. Or injured. I still want to be part of this team.”

“Of course you are. Do not doubt your place with us,” Allura told him.

“But… things still feel weird for me. I guess I can see why you were concerned. It’s not quite right. Like I feel good and bad at the same time. Almost as if something is twisted wrongly underneath my skin. Like there’s a missing puzzle piece when I was put back together again.”

Allura seemed to be thinking, her hand under her chin in thought. “Your energy,” Allura muttered. “It might be out of alignment in a manner of speaking. Could explain why you wear out so easily.”

“Like a quintessence rebound?” Lance asked. His voice breaking a bit and betraying the utter dread that just filled his heart.

“No! Nothing like that,” Allura quickly reassured, her hands shooting out in front of her like she wanted to reach out and wipe away his fear. “I can’t be completely sure. But when Blue merged her quintessence with yours maybe it was too much. It’s like you’re… out of sync. It just hasn’t quite meshed with your body. It’s overwhelming you.”

“Is… is that something you can fix?”

“Hmm, I don’t think I am skilled enough. I can do transfers, like with the Balmera, but that’s not what’s needed here. It’s more spiritual, I think. You don’t need to remove anything from your body. Just need to find balance. It’s not something I had yet learned.”

“So basically its kind of like when you put too large of a load into the washing machine, and it becomes unbalanced and starts knocking all over the place,” Pidge muttered.

Allura gave her a confused look. “… I suppose?”

“But is this something that we have to fix at all?” Lance asked. “Or is it something that will work itself out?”

“I’m not certain, and it was only a hunch. That's only one possible answer,” Allura said with a frown.

Lance huffed, and buried his face in his palms. Why wasn’t anything a simple yes or no around here?

Hunk and Keith, still wearing their armor, entered the kitchen a few moments later. Both of them slightly out of breath, and sharing worried expressions. Hunk’s a little bit more frantic than Keith.

“Uh, so we shot down the ships,” Hunk told them, wringing his hands together. “But one of them might have sent out a signal to its fleet before we downed it.”

Allura immediately rose from her seat. “We’ll have to jump through a wormhole now. Before they can get to us.”

She headed for the bridge, everyone trailing along behind her. Allura reached the center console, hands hovering over the controls. The seats for their stations rose from the floor, and everyone took their place. The brisk pace they walked nearly winded Lance, and he slumped gratefully into his seat. Before he could relax, a preemptive flash of concern from Blue was all the warning Lance needed. She could already tell.  “It’s too late.” He announced to them.

“What do you—“ Shiro began to ask but was interrupted as a massive battlecruiser and its fleet fell out of warp speed right in front of the castle, with fifty or so fighters flying alongside it.

There was no room to run this time. They had been discovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for the long wait for this chapter! So many things kept popping up. Mainly, I sort of injured my hands (or really my tendonitis was acting up in a very weird way) and it just hurt to type for long periods. Also, I struggled with writer's block on this one. I don't know if I'm completely satisfied with it, I've read it so many times now, I just hope the pacing isn't too strange in this chapter. I'm hoping it doesn't take me another month to get the next chapter out. But thanks for sticking around to read this!


	4. Chapter 4

Lance had definitely complained about sleeping too much earlier. But right now he wished that this was all part of a terrible dream.

The ships before them hovered like a predator stalking its prey. Strangely enough, they didn’t fire right away. The bridge fell silent as the gazed at the fleet before them. Quite frankly, it was massive.

“Everyone suit up and get to your lions,” Shiro commanded, shaking them all from their daze.

Lance rose from his seat, intending to go to his zip-line. “Not you, Lance,” Shiro called to him.

He spun around on his heel to face Shiro. “I can fight,” he said adamantly. They didn’t have time to discuss this.

“Not now, Lance,” Shiro repeated, and pointed back to Lance’s chair. “Wait here. If we need you, then yes. But only as a last resort, understand?”

“You can’t sideline me! Not with this!”

“Lance, please,” Shiro started. He looked almost desperate. “I’m not trying to sideline you. I’m just trying to look out for you. It’s too soon, you’ve already been through a lot today. We’ll try and take care of this, okay? Please just be on stand-by.”

Lance crossed his arms with a huff and returned to his seat. “Alright. Fine.”

“Uh Princess,” Coran interrupted. “A Galra signal is being transmitted. They’re trying to hail us.”

“Put it through. Audio only. The rest of you wait in your lions for my command to launch.” Allura addressed them. Shiro nodded and finally descended down the elevator that led to his zip-line a moment later.

Coran opened the communication channel. “This is Princess Allura,” She said simply. No other pleasantries were required, and the Galra surely knew who they had just run into.

“Ah, Princess. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” The voice from the Galra ship sneered. Lance could imagine the pretentious smile of the person on the other side of the conversation. Were all Galra born cocky or was it something they learned in Bootcamp?

“I am General Tinez,” he continued. “It is fortunate that we have run into each other.”

“What is that I can do for you, General,” Allura cut him off; her patience already wearing thin.

“We’ve come to negotiate your surrender, of course,” General Tinez stated calmly. “It was brought to our attention that you have suffered a loss recently. It was your Blue Paladin, correct?”

Allura glanced sidelong at Lance. He hadn’t really thought about the fact that for all they knew he was dead. The last time they were anywhere near Galra soldiers, he was definitely on death’s doorstep. Clearly, the news had traveled through the grapevine.  So right now, technically Voltron had the element of surprise.

“Surrender Voltron to me and I shall spare your lives, as a show of sympathy for the loss of your fallen warrior.” Lance could hear the condescension dripping in his voice.

“How kind of you,” Allura replied. Lance didn’t like the sound of her false kindness. It was dangerous, much like holding a lit firecracker in your hands. “However, we have seen enough of your Galran generosity as of late, and will have to decline your offer. Now leave this space, or be shot down.”

“You will not get a second chance,” Tinez warned.

Allura rolled her eyes, despite the audio-only call. “Neither will you.”

Tinez snarled. “Then you will perish, and we will still take Voltron by force!”

“We shall see,” Allura replied and ended the communication with a wave of her hand. “Shiro, now!”

“Got it, Princess! Let’s go, everyone!”

 The lions minus Blue launched from their hangars, and into the fray. Black instantly took out five fighters in one fell swoop. The enemy returned fire almost instantly. But the lions were faster than the Galra ships and they couldn’t manage a hit. It was like watching a fireworks show. Explosions rippled through the darkness of space, as fighter ships were destroyed one by one.

And while they were clearly outnumbered, the lions were too swift; everything sailed past them. However, the castle was a much bigger target.  

“Shields!” Allura instructed, and Coran responded at his post. The barrier erected instantaneously, and laser fire bounced off the shields.

It felt surreal for Lance to be watching from the sidelines like this. He’d never watched a battle alone on the bridge. It made him feel guilty, which seemed to be the theme of the day.

“I have to do something,” Lance said. “How can you expect me to just sit here and watch this?”

“Lance, please, be patient,” Allura replied, distractedly. She was laying down cover fire of her own with the castle defensive systems.

“What if I just provided some back-up from here? I can operate my laser Roomba. I won’t have to leave the castle.” Lance suggested.

“Do you mean your fighter drone?” Coran asked turning towards him, brow furrowed in confusion.

“Yeah, that.”

Allura conceded, “Very well. I don’t see the harm in that. And it could help. Their numbers are greater than I first anticipated.”

“Yes!” Lance waved a hand to activate his controls and grabbed the holographic joysticks to operate his drone. It was released from the ship, and he set off firing at the enemies rapidly. The drone packed a punch, but not nearly as much as Blue would have in the situation. Yet he managed to shoot down one or two fighters on his own.

“There sure are a lot of these guys,” Hunk said. He sounded nervous. “It doesn’t even feel like we’re making a dent here.”

“Just keep it up, Hunk,” Shiro tried to encourage him. “We have to get rid of them, or force them to retreat.”

Lance took a moment from controlling his drone, to look at the wider aspect of things. The scene before him did not look promising. True, they have seen worse. Although previously they weren’t down a lion. Well, not that they were now, but he was going to listen to Shiro’s order even if everything was telling him that he needed to get out there with Blue.

He sighed and continued to fight. At first, it seemed his drone was too small to be detected. He was able to sneak up behind quite a few ships and take out their thrusters. While he was focused on fighters ahead of him, soon enough his drone was blindsided. Lance couldn’t avoid the shot. His little blue drone was blown to bits.

“Dang it! I’m out!” He shouted. He looked out to see how his friends were faring. It felt like they had been fighting for a while now, but in reality, it couldn’t have been that long.

“Watch out!” Keith cried suddenly. “The ion cannon is charging!”

“Take it out!” Shiro ordered. Black’s jaw blade activated as Shiro and Keith both tried to destroy the cannon. But they were too late. It managed a shot, a ray of white-purple energy hurdled towards the castle.

Allura tried to maneuver the ship out of the way of the blast. But the castle was too big to avoid the attack. A sudden explosion rocked the castle’s shields, making them flicker. They didn’t take a full hit, having managed to get partially out of the way. It was still enough to weaken them.

“We can’t take another shot like that,” Coran informed them. “Shields down to forty-five percent.”

“It seems like every ship we take out, two more replace it!” Pidge groaned. She was even using Green’s vine cannon to demolish some of the ships. “Voltron’s shoulder cannon would definitely come in handy right about now.”

Lance was fed up with this. He couldn’t be patient anymore; he needed to get out there and fight. He couldn’t stand by and watch his friends take hits while he sat and watched. Adrenaline running high, he certainly felt strong enough to do this.  He snuck over to the doors that would take him down to his lion’s hangar. The elevator dropped down and he changed into his armor.

Lance could tell how antsy Blue was as he made his way down to her. She wanted to get out and fight just as much as Lance did. He psyched himself up and jumped onto the zip-line.  It was more of a struggle than he anticipated, despite how hopped up on adrenaline he was at the moment.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. He just had to make it to the speeder waiting for him at the bottom. He could feel his arms quivering, and no doubt would be chastised for his actions when he was found out. Which should be any moment now.

He dropped down into the speeder, finally, and it took him over to Blue who was waiting for him.

“Lance!” Allura’s voice called sharply over the intercom system of the ship, but also doubled in his helmet. “Get back here this instant!”

“I have to help, Allura,” He said as he reached the cockpit of Blue. He could feel their connection stronger than before. It was amplified with him sitting so close, like she was an extension of his own body.

“Lance, you need to come back,” Allura sounded more like she was begging this time. He felt bad for not listening, but he needed to do this.

“What? Sorry, I can’t hear you over…over the roar of my lion!” As an aside he whispered to Blue, “Hey, Blue, roar or something.”

He swore if she could, she would have rolled her eyes at him. But he could also feel that she sort of found this moment humorous. She let out a tremendous roar, and then launched into space. The battle was still waging, obviously. He could see Hunk taking some heavy fire though, and he directed Blue over. A well-aimed ice blast took out the ships tailing Hunk instantly.

“Lance!?” Hunk shouted in surprise. “Thanks, man, but what are you doing out here?”

“You needed me.”

“Lance, it’s dangerous,” Shiro said.

“It’s dangerous for all of us right now,” Lance told him flippantly. “The castle can’t take another direct hit from that ion cannon, and these numbers are too great to take out. You know we’re gonna need Voltron eventually.”

“And you feel up to this?” Pidge asked him.

Actually flying right now felt great. It was like swimming. It had never felt so easy and fluid, like he and Blue were totally, one hundred percent, in sync with one another. “Yeah, I think we got this. Let’s kick some butt!”

Lance maneuvered through the enemy fire. It was better than he’d ever flown before, or at least it felt that way. It had to be because of their bond. Blue had little preemptive warnings before a shot was aimed at him. He was able to dodge with ease.

“Lance, you’re flying is amazing!” Keith commented. And well, hearing that from him Lance couldn’t help but feel proud. Keith was their best pilot, so it was huge.

But he didn’t have the time to revel in the compliment. The battle was taking much too long. There was no avoiding it; the Galra fighters outnumbered them exponentially, and seemed to be growing by the second. They shot down one and five more appeared; clearly, they had been expecting to overtake the castle.

The longer the fight dragged on, the more his adrenaline seemed to die down. Lance was starting to struggle a bit in the cockpit. Despite their bond and his ability to fly better, things were still kind of tough. Blue’s armor was strong, and she could definitely take a hit. But he wasn’t able to get out of the way of every single laser that came his way. It was odd, he experienced a slight pressure every time she took a hit. So far, they’d been shot a handful of times. And each time it felt like phantom pains mimicked over his own body whenever she took on fire. He had to be imagining it, but it was starting to become extraordinarily uncomfortable and worrisome. This wasn’t something that was an issue before.

Hunk cried into the comms. “We have to form Voltron!”

Keith agreed. “We’re too outnumbered here. Shiro?”

“Lance?” Shiro asked him instead, wanting his approval. Forming Voltron wasn’t usually an issue, but he wasn’t so sure this time.

“I-I don’t know,” He answered honestly. He was sort of afraid of what would happen. He didn’t think about it when he jumped into Blue before he joined the fight, and he didn’t think it would be a problem. Yet his bond with Blue had changed so much that alone they seemed to fly better. But the bond with the lions changed when Voltron formed.  How would that affect him this time around?

“I’m not sure what’s going to happen, or if we can actually form Voltron like this,” he admitted quietly.

Lance continued to fire on the ships, but the reality was, the team wasn’t going to escape unless they formed Voltron.

“Lance, we’re taking heavy fire here,” Pidge pleaded. “Please.”

Lance took a deep breath. “Okay. Alright. I know it’s what we need to do, so let’s do it!”

They flew in formation. The pull of Voltron felt familiar as the lions changed and connected. But as they did that, the bond that came with Voltron expanded and became present.

Previously, the bond was like a little extra nudge. He could feel the others in a way, they were more mentally in sync. But it wasn’t completely intrusive. They couldn’t read each other’s minds or anything.

This time was so extremely different. The instant all the lions locked into place, Lance could barely hear himself think. He took a sharp inhale. The connection that he had with Blue twisted. When the lions were Voltron, their individual voices became one, all-encompassing and omnipresent. On top of hearing Voltron, which wasn’t really a voice, so much as a presence. He could hear his team’s thoughts in addition to them speaking through the comms. It was loud and chaotic and messy.

Their thoughts were circling around two things: the Galra and Lance.

“Lance, is something wrong?” He heard Shiro ask. It echoed around him multiple times like he was in a chamber. “Something feels wrong.”

There was so much noise in his mind that he couldn’t even begin to form a proper response.

“The bond,” he managed to gasp out. He didn’t know why it was bothering him physically.  “I-it’s too much.”  

He could feel his connection with Voltron becoming volatile. They wouldn’t last long at this rate. He was going to ruin it. He’d never experienced anything like it before. It was wrong.

The fighters were approaching them, and Voltron acted. Lance was running on instinct at this point. Piloting as best he could. The battle waged on.

Voltron pressed that the paladins had to be strong. Do not falter. Keep it together.

Flashes lit up the space outside in bright swirling masses of fire and light. Voltron’s shoulder cannon was formed and obliterated ships around them. The ion cannon on the cruiser charged again for a second hit.

It felt like everyone was shouting. Confusion, anxiousness, worry, anger, frustration, sadness. It all wrapped around him. He just wanted to let go.

“I can’t… can’t do it,” He hoped is what came out. He couldn’t hear his own voice anymore in the chaos.

“A few more minutes,” someone called out.  

The sword slashed through the cannon and consequently the ship. Flames followed as the cruiser burst in an explosion of metal and fire. And then, miraculously, there was no more fight. But they were still formed as Voltron.

Lance felt like he had grabbed hold of power lines, as if his blood was replaced with electricity. Or that he had been doused in gasoline and set alight. He was flammable, burning up, and he begged for it to end.

He didn’t know where to go. He forgot how they even disbanded from Voltron in the first place.

He pulled harshly at his controls, desperate to get away. And with a pop the lions disconnected; Blue was herself again.

He let out a strangled gasp, just trying to breathe through it. Trying to ease the agony his body and mind were in. Although breathing was a chore in itself.

“I am sorry, little one,” Blue whispered like she knew she must be quiet. He could feel her guilt.

The drastic change was so overwhelming. But he was finally able to focus his thoughts, enough to realize that the horrible feeling wasn’t going away anytime soon. He couldn’t even muster up the strength to reply to Blue.

He felt absolutely sick. His stomach did flips, and his head pounded behind his eyes. The lights were too bright, and he couldn’t move his arms or body really. It was like he had just tried to run one hundred miles while carrying the same amount of weight. He was spent.

Lance barely registered as Blue flew back to the Castle through the debris of countless ships. His head felt ready to split in two. She tried to soothe him, but it wasn’t helping. It was as if he’d been cracked over the head with a baseball bat. He was going to pass out for sure.

“Lance.” Suddenly Shiro was in front of him, bent down on one knee with a worried expression on his face. “What happened out there? How can I help?”

“I-I don’t… don’t know. My head,” Lance could only whimper.“Hurts.”

“I’m sorry, Lance. You tried to warn us about this. We could all feel there was something wrong when Voltron formed.”

“Didn’t know what…was going to happen,” Lance muttered in between gulps of air.

His body wasn’t cooperating anymore. What the heck happened to him?

“I’m going to move you.” He heard Shiro speak to him, but it sounded like he was five rooms away, not right in front of him.

Shiro lifted Lance’s arm up over his shoulder, and pulled him out of the pilot seat. The movement was not good. His vision spotted even more, and the pounding in his head made it feel like his brain was trying to make an exit via his eye sockets. He couldn’t control any of his limbs and felt how much dead weight he was on Shiro.

Really, he didn’t think things could get any worse until Shiro moved into the hangar. The light assaulted him, flaring brightly in his eyes. He wished he had been blown away by that ion cannon they destroyed earlier.

A sharp gasp escaped him as his vision black-spotted and finally left him like someone cut the power. But he wasn’t unconscious; no, that would be too easy.

He pushed away from Shiro, and was brought to his knees. He scrambled to remove his helmet, blindly reaching for it, and tossed it to the floor. Before he could even think or breath another word, his stomach rebelled like it had been threatening to do since Voltron broke apart. The only way his body seemed to be able to process the pain.

“Oh, Lance. I’m sorry, buddy,” Shiro murmured, as he supported Lance.  “Don’t worry, I got you. Is there anything I can do to help?”

He was fairly certain he was going to pass out soon. “Everything hurts,” Lance sobbed miserably. His hearing was going. The ringing increased until he felt like he was under water. He knew the sign well enough. “D-definitely g-gonna pass out.”

And that was the last thing he managed to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait on this chapter, but it is the longest one in this story so far. Hope that makes up for it! Things aren't going so well for Lance in this one. 
> 
> I'm kind of nervous to post this chapter for some reason, I just hope you guys like it. I've read this chapter so many times now that I don't what to do with it any longer lol, so I'm throwing it at you finally.


	5. Chapter 5

There was simply darkness for the longest time. But it was not still or pleasant. It was the kind of darkness that lingered around you in nightmares. He desperately wanted to escape it, yet despite his best efforts, he could hardly move. Lance felt paralyzed on the spot, trapped.

The suffocating darkness clung to him. Inky black hands lashed out grabbing, and pulling at every inch of his body.  It hurt, and stretched, and burned as if he was being scattered into a million pieces and thrown into a sun.

Why couldn’t he just be left in peace? It felt as if he had been here for eons. At times, he couldn’t bear the way his skin felt over his bones. Taut and sizzling. And at other times there was a cool reprieve, and the touch was almost a gentle caress through all the other chaos. Though he wished he could feel nothing at all in this obscurity. Surely, he was still being tortured to be in so much pain.

Lance screamed, full of frustration and anguish. Until finally his mind seemed to connect with his body once more and he jolted into consciousness. He recognized that this was the feeling of coming back to awareness after passing out, it somehow felt entirely different than waking up from a normal sleep. Yet, it was becoming increasingly familiar to him, and he really wished that it wasn’t something he was so accustomed to.

His body was sore, muscles seemingly twitching in time with his pulse. Lance’s skin felt sticky with residue from sweat. Slowly, Lance recalled why he was lying in bed as he opened his eyes to a dim lit room, and shame pooled in his stomach, like a deep dark well. He was back in the infirmary, the memories of what occurred coming back to him in a flash. He should have expected as much after his disastrous attempt at forming Voltron that left him feeling as if he had been set on fire.

How could things have gone so wrong? He almost jeopardized their mission, but not only that, he couldn’t handle forming Voltron anymore. His body literally rebelled against him, he could still feel the deep aches from the connection lingering in his bones. His heart beat faster with mounting anxiety.

“Lance, are you with me?” a warm hand touched his forearm, startling Lance. He jerked his arm back and shifted as far out of range as fast as his body could manage. His mind defaulting to danger.  But when he took a moment to look at who was with him, it was only Shiro looking alarmed, hand still outstretched towards him.

“Hey, sorry, sorry,” Shiro raised his hands in surrender. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to check that you were all right. You were moaning. And then I couldn’t quite tell if you were awake or not.”

Lance blew out a breath that was trapped in his lungs. He didn’t realize he was holding it in. And then took a few more after that before he could even form a solid reply.  “Sorry. It’s dark, I thought I was alone.” His voice was raspy from sleep.

“I didn’t want the light to bother you if you woke up,” Shiro explained quickly. “You had us all scared. You’ve been out for a while. I’m glad to see you finally awake.”

He was afraid of the answer, yet he still asked. “Was it d-days?” His joints felt stiff enough that it could be true, but he was in a lot of pain even before he passed out.

“About thirty-six hours,” Shiro shook his head. “but you weren’t in the best shape for a while. You developed a fever out of nowhere, and it didn’t want to break. Your body was under a lot of stress, it would seem.”

Not great, but it helped Lance some to know he hadn’t been incapacitated for terribly long, but at the moment it didn’t feel like he could even rise from his bed if he wanted to. A fever would certainly explain away some of that feeling.

“I’m sorry,” Lance sputtered an apology.

Shiro looked taken aback. “For what?”

Lance spoke all at once in an anxious ramble, “This. Ending up here again. I could have seriously messed up in the fight. If I lost control of the bond only a few minutes sooner, we all would have been fried by that cannon. And… also for possibly puking on your shoes; I can’t really remember much of that part.”

Shiro chuckled a bit at the last part. “Don’t worry, you didn’t puke on me. But really it’s thanks to you joining the fight that we’re still here. I’m only sorry that it’s caused you so much pain.”

“But…”

Shiro held out his hand, interrupting him. “No buts, we didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t want you to get hurt, and that’s why I wanted you on the bridge. I’m sorry that you’re not well right now. I’m not sure what happened with you still, maybe you can explain it to me. But either way, if you hadn’t joined when you did, we would not have made it out of that fight.” Shiro said, and Lance suddenly felt emotional. His eyes pricked like he was going to cry.

Shiro smiled at Lance. And the fact that he didn’t blame him, well, it just set him over the edge. Lance felt like he had been burnt up from the inside out, a smoldering coal. All his energy was spent, and his control over his emotions was gone. He didn’t fully comprehend what had happened when they formed Voltron, but clearly, it wasn’t something his body was capable of handling. At this rate, it was going to tear him apart.

He felt tears start to trail down his cheeks, unwanted. “I don’t understand what’s happening either.” He whispered miserably to Shiro. He placed his forearm over his eyes to try and hide his face so Shiro couldn’t see him sobbing.

Shiro took his hand away and held it instead, and Lance let him. “I wish I had an answer for you, Lance.”

Lance was embarrassed that he was breaking down in front of Shiro in this manner, it wasn’t even the first time, but he knew Shiro also understood. “I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. Somehow, I thought things would be better. I was actually feeling better. But things just started to go… sideways, and I don’t get it.”

“We’ll figure this out. Coran and Allura are trying to find something that can help you.”

“I…I still want to be a paladin, Shiro.” He blurted out. It was a thought that had been running through his mind for a while though.

Shiro looked at Lance wide-eyed. “Of course, you are buddy. This doesn’t change that at all.” Shiro ran his thumb across the back of Lance’s hand. The gentle motion was comforting. It helped quell some of his anxiety a little.

“Just get a little more rest, okay? We’ll think of something to make this right again,” Shiro spoke softly.

Lance looked at his face, and could see the exhaustion in Shiro’s feature’s as well. “You too,” Lance mumbled. “Go to sleep.”

Shiro uttered a response that he didn’t quite catch before he was easily drifting off to sleep again. It only felt like a minute, until he was blinking his eyes open again. The scene had changed once more, and Shiro was no longer beside him.

Instead, he woke to see that Hunk had joined Shiro along with Allura and Coran. They were off to the side of the room talking quietly.

“Guys?” Lance called. “What’s going on?”

They all turned around at the same time when they heard him. “Lance! So good to see you awake.” Coran said jovially.

Though Lance couldn’t return his enthusiasm, he did offer a small smile in return. “Anyone else getting a severe sense of déjà vu? I feel like we’ve done this before.”

“Let’s not make it a habit, okay?” Hunk joked.

“I’ll do my best,” Lance said with a bit of a heavy sigh. “What’s really on your minds?”

Allura stepped forward. “I know you just woke up, but we were discussing. And well, could you… tell us what happened when you formed Voltron?”

Lance took a moment to gather his thoughts, and they waited patiently for him to continue. Finally he said, “Flying alone with Blue was amazing when we first entered the battle. But as soon as Voltron started to form, the connection, sort of, I don’t know… expanded. Before I could always kind of feel everyone else through the bond. It’s how we manage to fight, and control Voltron, being in sync with each other.” He took a deep breath. “Well, that was amplified times one thousand. Times one million, even. It was so loud and disorienting. I could hear everyone, even the other lions to some degree. But I couldn’t differentiate between the sounds and feelings.  I felt like I was going to split in half.”

Coran twisted his mustache as he listened to Lance. “That sounds awful. I’ve never heard of anything like this happening to past paladins before.”

Allura frowned, a deep crease in her brow as she pondered over the details. “None of them had experienced what Lance has either,” she pointed out. “It seems that his and Blue’s connection is so strong that when the lions transform into Voltron, Blue’s consciousness pulls Lance’s along as well. Just like we were discussing before the fight. Your quintessence is out of balance, allowing for this to happen.”

“Am I… am I actually in danger?” His voice quavered. Allura said it wasn’t a rebound, but he couldn’t take anything they said seriously. Everything was hunches and guesses at this point. This was beyond any of them. They no longer had the answers.  “It… it just hurt so much. I don’t know if I can do it again.”

Allura came up beside Lance, and gently brushed his hair aside. It shocked him, not that she hadn’t displayed affection towards him before. It was just nice. “I don’t think you’re in mortal danger. But it is troublesome. We’re still trying to figure it out. Any information you can give us will help.”

“When Voltron connected it definitely felt like my mind was being pulled,” Lance confirmed what Allura had said a moment ago. “Blue kind of disappeared when Voltron formed. And then it was all one simultaneous voice after a bit.”  Lance added.

“Which is what caused you so much pain, and why we’ve ended up here,” Coran concluded and waved his hand about the infirmary.

“I think I learned my lesson. I don’t really want to go through that again.” He still wanted to be a paladin, but he couldn’t very well do that if he felt like he was going to be shattered every time Voltron was formed. It wasn’t very efficient for battle.

“No, and we won’t ask you to do that again,” Shiro interjected. “Now that we know how this affects you, we don’t want to see you hurting like this anymore.”

Even though Shiro had reassured him earlier he was still waiting for the bomb to drop, so he just cut to the chase because really they had no other options. “So you’re going to have to replace me. We’re vulnerable as we are now. So how do we go about getting another Blue Paladin?” He tried to keep a straight face. To not let his bravery crumple. For the first time, Blue responded lightly with an angry tone, a low rumbling growl, at his train of thought.

“Replace?” Allura asked incredulously.

“We need Voltron and I can’t do that right now.” Lance reasoned. “I thought… I thought you were going to find someone else. We can’t fix this.”

“What? Lance, no!” Shiro said hurriedly. “We discussed this. We aren’t replacing you. Even though right now we can’t form Voltron, it doesn’t mean we’re going to turn around and find someone else to take your place. You’re not expendable!”

It was a tremendous relief just to hear those words out loud. Because a part of him had been convinced that they would replace him, however untrue that even was. He still felt the need to be reassured. He was just relieved. “If you say so,” Lance felt his smile waver.

“I think it would be in your best interest to rest up a bit more,” said Coran, patting him on the leg. “You still look exhausted.”

Lance closed his eyes and nodded. Sleep, sleep, and oh yeah, more sleep. But he couldn’t kid himself, he was still feeling pretty drained. “All right. Yeah.”

“We think we have a lead of sorts. There is a planet that has a great deal of practice in energy and it’s manipulation. There was mention of them operating with quintessence according to my father’s records. He had sought them out once long ago, for research purposes, but perhaps they can assist us now.” Allura explained.

“Sounds good,” Lance simply agreed.

“We can discuss this in more detail later. And perhaps, head there when you are feeling steadier, all right?” Allura said, and added. “We’ll make sure it’s safe, too”

Safe. Yeah, that would be a good thing. He just wanted to feel safe. He wanted things to get back to normal. But it would it seem he still had a long road ahead of him for that to be possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not intend for three months to go by without updating this story, and I'm sorry. There's been a lot of stuff going on lately in my life. And the rest of June is just looking crazy for me. Anyhow, I know this chapter might not be super exciting, but hopefully it's okay. I just needed to get something out and done. I am having a hard time shaking this writer's block. 
> 
> Although, I can't wait for the new season this week! Fingers crossed it doesn't take me another three months to update again.


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